One Man And The C-Word

A colleague at work recently lent me a book to read - four or five of us have a little book club thing going. Having discovered we all like pretty similar reading material we regularly swap books between us.

Chatting with this colleague, a very pretty twenty-something, a few days later she said she was slightly surprised that it was her mother who had given her this particular book, The Slap written by Christos Tsiolkas, containing as it did really strong language and sexual themes. In fact the word that women so hate, the c-word, appeared twice in the first paragraph and many times thereafter.

Everyone who knows me will confirm that I do not shy away from using swear words at all and have no feelings one way or the other about their use. I am, however, really conscious that women do not like that word so refrain from using it in their company unless it really is needed to make a point.

I'm no prude - far from it - but do like to think I am respectful towards women.

It took me longer than usual to read The Slap, not because of its content but more because, to me anyway, it is one of those books that you need to be in the right frame of mind to read. If I wanted something light to read in those last ten minutes before sleep came and got me then this book wouldn't be the one I'd reach for.

I was having a shower recently - not a significant event in its own right, you understand - and as I let the hot water play on the top part of my spine and neck, a moment when a lot of my thoughts seem to crystalise, I suddenly realised a truth about this book I was now close to finishing and to the liberal sprinkling of that c-word throughout it.

In The Slap the word is used in just about every context it can be. It is used as a derogatory term of contempt for people, as a description of women who are sexually attractive and desirable and, of course, for the "lady part".

There is no general consensus about the origin of the word other than it probably came from Germanic or Old Norse use. Between the 11th and 15th centuries it became common in English with variations of spelling. One thing is certain, however. It always referred to womens' genitalia. Using it as a term of abuse started within the last 150 years or so.

I have twice been to see the Vagina Monologues. Glutton for punishment, me. The play based on Eve Ensler's Vagina Interviews is an entertainment and, for men at least, an education. It is both very funny and very poignant. At one point during the evening the women in the audience, who outnumber the men by over twenty to one, are full encouraged to reclaim that word that men have commandeered as a vulgar abuse by screaming it out loud. Sitting amongst several hundred women shouting out the word "cunt" as loudly as they can is, for a man, an amusing yet humbling moment, no doubt about that.

But that shower moment led me to thinking that maybe Eve Ensler has got it all wrong.

The word itself is very short, harsh and definitely has a Germanic sound to it. Audibly it is a horrible word. Two brief and hard consonants either side of a nondescript "un" sound. It is a word that sounds like it belongs to despicable people. It really deserves to be used as a term of abuse. I fully endorse its use for that purpose and use it to that effect often, although mostly aimed at myself.

But - oh - do I ever hate the word being used to describe the lady part. Hate it with a vengeance. A lady's sex is neither harsh or vulgar, quite the contrary. It deserves a name, other than the anatomical ones which, let's face it, are only to be uttered in doctors' surgeries and the like, and a name that sounds every bit as soft, warm and feminine as the part in question. There are plenty of alternatives out there and I have two or three that I use which, to me, fit the bill nicely.

I am not a fan of the word pussy - somehow it seems to demean women in my eyes - and fanny can be a perilous word when talking to Americans who think an inch or two further back than we do! I do, however, delight in minge - always a truly jocular and playful word, only to be said with laughing eyes. But none of these are what is needed as a word acceptable to both men and women that describes the part and what it represents.

It is not for me, however, to suggest a word or words that could and should replace the dreaded c-word. That's for you to decide.

I really do think, though, that it is time for women in general, and Eve Ensler in particular, to maybe embrace the idea of adopting the c-word as a term of abuse, at the same time ridding ourselves of it as a slang term for the vagina. Don't try to reclaim it. try to replace it. Your part deserves something far better.

All I know is that in my world cunts will always be nasty people and will never, ever be women who are sexually desirable, or the parts therein.